Leela and the Cat

 

I'm scared.

This cat wants to kill me and steal my dog.

Recipe Time: Vegan red chili!

I made tamales. It feels like I labored all day and only ended up with 19 tamales. Oh well, there are enough for me, my vegetarian aunt, and my curious family to enjoy. Since I won't even want to think about making tamales again until next December, I'm just going to share my recipe for the red chili filling I used which would also be awesome in burritos and enchiladas.

1 14oz container of Bacas Red Chili*
28oz water
2 tbs flour
2 tbs vegetable oil
2 portobello mushrooms
16oz Seitan (wheat gluten, I used two 8 oz boxes.)
Granulated garlic, salt and pepper to taste.

First you have some prep. Make sure your Bacas is defrosted by putting it in the fridge the day before. Your mushrooms will taste better if you gut them first by taking the stem off and scrapping out the black gilly stuff on the bottom. Slice your mushrooms very thinly and save for later and if your seitan is in a block and not in small pieces, you'll want to slice that too.  Heat up your oil in a sauce pot big enough for all of it. Add in your flour and mix well. Quickly add in your Bacas use the container and fill it up with water and swish it around to get the chili that stayed in there and poor it in the pot. You'll have to do the water twice to get the right consistency. Stir and bring to a boil. Season it up with your garlic, salt and pepper. Once it's boiling, bring down to a simmer and let it reduce to a saucy consistency. If it's not reducing, you have 2 options. Mom's option is to add more flour and hope it mixes without getting clumpy. Culinary school option is to add a cornstarch slurry. (You can stop here and have a rad enchilada sauce.) Once you have it your desired consistency, add in your seitan and mushroom. Let this simmer until the mushrooms are cooked and the sauce has reduce so it's not all liquidy.  You can now eat this however you like.

* Bacas is a brand I prefer but I don't think it's found outside of Arizona.  Bacas is found in the freezer section. You could try another brand or get some dried red chili pods and boil them in water and puree. You probably won't need the extra water if you go with that option.

I'm bringing sexy back

I guess they aren't that hard to find. I need a pair that won't fall apart when I play derby in them.  There are shorts that meet my specifications but they cost more than I'm willing to spend on them. I hope the shiny hot pants fairy reads my blog. Wink wink, nudge nudge. If she does, my butt is a size large.

Exactly how it happened

While eating a pancake for dinner, I found that one of my teeth caused me a slight amount of pain. I then had a complete overreaction. Then I drew this picture. Now I'm writing this blog. I'll probably go back to overreacting in a few minutes.

I can has vegan?

For the most part, I have tried to live a vegan lifestyle since April. It's not going to well. I've been managing to purchase vegan food but I get free food at work. I don't have the will to turn down the cheese sammich when the ingredients are sitting in front of me and all I have to do is assemble them and toss them on the grill. When it's in the grocery store, packaged up and costing money, I will say no. When it's looking at me saying, "Eat me!" I will say, "Heck yeah! Grilled cheese sammich! Ooh and a pickle."

Recipe Time!

You will need for this recipe:
1 T. vegetable shortning
3/4 C sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
3 T peanut butter
2 T ground flax seed
6 T water (The flax and water is the binder. You can use an egg if you don't think that they're gross like I do.)
1 T cocoa powder
1/4 C flour
1 C instant oatmeal
1/4 tsp baking powder

Cream together sugar and shortening. Once it looks mealy add in vanilla, peanut butter, flax and water. Mix until smooth. Add in everything else and mix until incorporated. Bake for about 20 minutes at 3:50.
Let them cool, grab a glass of soy milk and enjoy some noms.

Drunk or Ear infection?

Let's play a game. Determine if my Saturday activities were caused by alcohol consumption or bacteria invading my ear. Answer is below the doodle.

Did you guess drunk? If you did, you're wrong! If you were right and guessed ear infection you win a brand new doodle! It will be posted whenever I feel like it.

Let's work on the career!

By the end of the year, I WILL have made progress in my career. I will either be working on a cruise line or I will be promoted at my job. I would much prefer the former.  I want to see the world. I have so many excuses why I'm not living up to my potential but it all boils down to nothing. I don't have a good reason why I'm a culinary school grad and working as a lunch lady in an office building. I'm not comfortable with the mediocrity I'm living with and I hope I never get comfortable either. I need to push hard until I hit my ultimate goal of starting a successful restaurant. After that, I will find a new goal to push myself to a higher level.

I feel so pumped. I want to go chest bump someone. Where's my dog?

Short dogs can't jump

Stupid Smart Dog

Leela is a genius. It's really annoying. 

I think Leela was a nurse in a past life, a really bad nurse.

My conscience

My conscience takes the form of a dinosaur. Who needs angels and devils? I have a brontosaurus.

Dating Fails: I'm too busy to date

I would bring a guy with me to my stuff but being ignored by me whilst being surrounded by stinky roller girls is not a great second date. I had some time in our off season but we're starting up again so all my free time to meet dudes is gone. :-( I'm awesome at making run on sentences and no I'm not going to fix them.

Dating Fails: Cool chicks don't need sleep

I've answered the phone mostly asleep before. I've returned text messages while fully asleep. I swear to The Flying Spaghetti Monster if any of you call or text me in the middle of the night to test this, I will murder your face.

Anyways dudes need to learn to give a girl some space. This didn't actually happen. I'm usually awake with the insomnia and all. I will still murder your face if you call me. I can sometimes get to a restful state and actually sleep.

No one should be this clingy. I'm clingy and this would send me running. I feel this way when a dude calls me everyday. Why would a girl want someone checking on her all the time?

Dating Fails: I REJECT YOU SIR!

Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE getting hit on. I usually won't tolerate it if I'm sober. "Why?" you ask. I have been in roller derby and had colored hair for all of my adult life. A lot of dudes treat me like a novelty instead of being genuinely interested.  There are a few rare times when a guy doesn't know my hobby, then I will allow him to flirt with me, to a point.

Theme Week: Dating Fails

Yup, I've collected enough dating fail doodles to have a whole week dedicated to it. I didn't post these at first because I did not want to insult the men they were dedicated to.  I've stopped talking to all of them for one reason or another.

One day, I hope that somebody will survive this dating madness so I don't have to deal with it anymore. Is it bad that my dating motivation is to not date anymore?

Why I'm not a size 6

My Halloween costume involves a leotard with some cutouts. Since I won't be able to hide any lumps and my stomach would be bare, I want a six pack. I decided yesterday that I would start writing down what I eat and cut some calories. I work out all the time already, I just need diet support. If I fail, I'll cut the leotard differently and be Shakira.  She's got some curves.

I feel that I should mention that I love my body the way it is. I'll love myself if I get bigger and I'll love myself if I get smaller. What matters to me is that I maintain a healthy lifestyle.

On Monday

Sometimes the only good thing about Monday is being alive.

Hey! Come smell this!

Sometimes I worry if my body wash is enough to combat the smell or if I need to some heavy duty mechanic's soap or something.

Why I quit online dating

This is not how to hit on a woman, guys.  Imagine saying that to a random woman in a bar. You would be pepper sprayed and then beat up by the big bouncer. 

On another note, if anyone knows any dudes that are single, funny and won't threaten to rape me, send them my way.

On days that I don't work

I eat whatever is in the cupboard or freezer. This time, I had Frosted Mini Wheats, carrots, edamame, and some chocolate milk. I'm so glad they give me food at work. I think I would be malnourished if they didn't.

I got really bored

I tend to do some radical things when I spend too much time with just me and my video games.

The perils of shopping online

When I look for things online, I forget that I am really clumsy. I'm sure I can walk in those heels when I have trouble with my two inch wedges.

Ricardo

I used to have a brain damaged pacman frog. He could only hop to the right so he ended up moving in circles. He was really bad at hunting. He would try to get the bugs but would miss them. After a few days of not eating due to bad hunting, I would force feed him. I had to wedge his mouth open and put worms in there.

I never intended to keep him forever. I just kept him until I trusted someone to take good care of him. I wonder if he's still alive.

It's a tiny lizard

I caught a lizard on my porch over the weekend. I considered keeping him but I didn't have a terrarium set up on hand. After I took a few pictures to send to my dad, I let him go. I hope he's ok.

New Mexico

I could probably swing the cost of the ticket but then I would be broke longer. I keep saying that I need to win the lottery.  Living within my means sucks. I need more means.

Drunk Doodling

On Saturday, I meant to have a glass of wine and read a few chapters of a book. I ended up drinking the whole bottle and watching random anime.  I also made this doodle. 

It smells like wet dog

I learned this lesson a couple years ago. Although it seems like a good idea to have a stroll in the rain, I quickly changed my mind when it started raining so hard it hurts and the dog is freaking out.

Where my head is

My brain is on vacation since my body is stuck at work and my bank account is empty.

Dancing alone in my underwear.

My roommate was out of town for the weekend. Admit it, you do it too.

Would you hire me?

I think I'm screwed.

I don't always follow trends

It took me a while to start packing all my heavy stuff into something I don't have to lug around on my shoulder.

Also, my brain shuts down after a big trip like I had over the weekend and spelling gets difficult.

I'm an ARTISTE!

Have you seen where my mind has gone? I can't seem to find it today.

A classified ad

This is semi-serious. I'm tired of dating meat eaters that complain about my lack of meat eating, then take me to steak houses where the only thing practical for me to eat is the side salad. 

So how was your holiday?

This is how mine went. :-(

Fireworks

Have fun and be safe this weekend. I'll be avoiding the heat as much as possible.

Conversations in my head

I'm pretty pissed off right now. I'm as mad at myself as I am at him. I should never let anyone be such an asshole to me just because I'm lonely.

Ego Bruised

I used to think I was pretty strong until I saw the number on the weights that I could hardly lift. BTW, the three pound weights are an exaggeration. I actually had trouble with the eight pounders but the dude wouldn't let me get anything lighter.

I Am Done

Yup, I've been trying to find the balls to tell him the whole second chance thing isn't working out for weeks. When I finally get the nerve to do it, he won't answer the damn phone. Since he wouldn't return my phone calls, I assumed he felt the same way except he doesn't want to be civil with me.  This is the first time anyone has just blown me off like this. I'm pretty pissed that I didn't get the chance to tell him he's a jerk. Oh well, I'm back on the search for love and company.

The system is broken

This is what happens when you can't afford to buy that extra time from a doctor.  It took months for me to get this appointment and all they do is give me pills and shove me out the door. I hate this system.